Its my Party

Do you remember the song "Its my party and I'll cry if I want to" ? Have you ever had one of those days? Well mine was yesterday. Not that anything really tramatic happend, it was just a not so fun day. On my list of Goals # 8 is to start exerciseing 3 times a week. I have faithful been doing so twice a week for over a month and plan on moving up to 3 days this very week :) However,  # 11 which is feel good about the way I look, isn't going so well. Or at least it didn't last night. I have been going to the local rec. center and taking a Zumba class. Which by the way is so fun but remindes me that I can not dance. Anyway at some point during the class I caught a glimps of myself in the mirror. Needless to say by the time I got to the car, a day that had already been not so fun turned into tears. ( the poor friend that was with me!!)

Have you ever just had one of those moments when you know you are seeing yourself but you just cant believe its you. Don't get me wrong this can be a good thing too, but last night it was a " who is that.....it can't be me.....I would never have let myself go that far.......oh wait, I did and it is in fact....ME!!" And that folks is what lead to the "Its my party and I'll cry if I want to"  Pity Party for one.

Now I know what your all thinking, and in fact the wounderful friend who was completly caught of guard by my tears, already told me. And I know that I am doing something about it and working hard, but some goals that one sets for themselfs (or that I set for myself) seemed like such a small goal when  first set. Now it feels like a big hole that I dug....all by myself. I am just grateful I have such wounderful people around to cheer while I am tring to fill it all back in.

I've thought long and hard today about sharing this. Mostly because its easier to pretend my weight isn't an issue that I am concerned with. But pretending just isn't working any more. And being honest with myself is proving harder than I thought, espically with out all the junk food I was filling the void with. So today instead of consoling myself with something bad for me I am trying to express myself, be honest with myself by writting it down, and keep my goals all at the sametime.

Here's to goal # 11 and sharing something hard!

Not Fun....But Getting Better!

Over the last six months two of my children have been sick on a regular basis. And by that I mean one or both of them have been sick every month since August. Really the last two years haven't been the healthiest time in either of their lives. January 23rd was the last straw. Brooke has strep throat December 20th and then again on January 23rd.  Jace was also getting strep all to often but our biggest concern for him was that when he did get it his Adenoids' would get so inflamed (and were already big naturally) that he couldn't breath. So on January 31st we went to an ENT and of course as we already suspected both kids were in need of Tonsillectomy with Adenoidectomy.

We took them in on February 10th. Life has been a little different in my house. Once again my poor middle child has been "left out" thank goodness, because he has been such a good help to his brother and sister. There have been a few sleepless nights, lots of tears, ice cream, popsicles, soup, and belly rubs, movies, books, baths, and visits, all with the promise that when its all over with they will be healthier. Even the doctor is looking forward to not seeing the two of them for a while :)!!

As you can see we made a bed out in the living room and the 3 of us camped out for a few days. Next week everything will hopefully be somewhat back to normally. What ever normally is!! :)

Up Dates

Two post in one day! In all fairness I started my last post but wasn't able to finish up and post it as fast as I was planning to. I haven't wanted to fall too far behind so I decided I would post again and let you all know how I am doing on my list of 35 things.

# 1: I have been working on this but know I can do better!!

#2: I have been working on this too but will also need to do better.

#8: I signed up for a new exercise class. I have really enjoyed it so far.

# 10: I have finished 4 books already. Ok so I read two and listened to two on audiobook. I read a book written by a local here in Kamas. The book is called Charity's Chokecherries and it was written by Billie Sue McNeil.
The second book I read was The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I loved this book.  There are 3 books in this series and I listened to the other two books. They were as good as the first but I think I would have enjoyed them more if I had read them.
So the question is do I count the books I listened too?? I am getting ready to read another series so do I count each book or the series? Hummm........I will have to think about it.

#12: I am happy to report I spent the whole day on friday with my husband. It was a fun and relaxing day and much needed!

# 21: I have only had 2 pops this month and no energy drinks.

# 26: Planning to start what I have learned about Meditation tomorrow.

# 30: I have been working on taking more pictures.

#35: I have been breathing more and trying to enjoy the ride:)

Not bad for the month of January. I will Up Date again in February.

Best Friends

When I sat down to post today I was planning to rant and rave about the joyous and not so joyous moments in being a mother, then I spoke to my best friend. She is one of the most amazing people in my  life, truly!! There have been days as a mother and a wife that I was ready to just throw in the towel. I have actually gotten in my car and headed out of town, certain that everyone would be better off with out me. Those are the days I pick up my phone (and thank goodness for cell phones) and called my best friend and she has talked me down. I don't think I have ever ended a call with her in which I wasn't laughing about the situation in which I was originally wanting to flee from. What makes her so great is that she doesn't judge, she will just listen. And I find that as I am relaying my stories to her I can see the humor in them. And of course she always reminds me through her own stories that I am not alone.....or crazy! Because lets be honest....you have to be a little crazy to be a mom. Yes I have revealed one of the best kept secrets in america and beyond.....you have to be a little crazy to make it through being a mom! It requires inward reflection pretty much everyday. Your constantly wondering what you did wrong, or what you forgot, or how to fix it. IT!!!! what is IT exactly. Well some days you have to just sit and try to figure that out....IT!! Then somewhere along the way you realize you were yet again "crazy" for trying to figure "IT" out in the first place because if you new what "IT" was it probably isn't yours to "fix"!!!

(ohhhhhh.........deep breath)

Ok back to best friends. I have been on of the luckiest girls ever. I have been blessed throughout my life with several best friends. Some I only get to talk to or write to a few times a year if were lucky. Others I speak to every couple months. And of course the best friends I speak to weekly and sometimes daily. Now I know there are those out there who's spouses are there best friends. And don't get me wrong, my husband is one of a kind and we talk about it all too. And I love talking with him. However, he is my partner in crime. We have to be a team, show no weakness. (I am flexing my huge bicep here ;) ) And we do take the time to laugh about it when its all said and done but really for this girl there is no way I could get through all the junk with out a good girl friend too.

Years ago I found this story that just seems to sum it all up.

The Broken Doll


One day my young daughter was late coming home from school. I was both annoyed and worried. When she came through the door, I demanded in my upset tone that she explain why she was late.
She said, "Mommy, I was walking home with Julie, and halfway home Julie dropped her doll and it broke into lots of little pieces."
"Oh honey," I replied, " you were late because you helped Julie pick up the pieces of her doll to put them back together."
In her young and innocent voice my daughter said, "No Mommy. I didn't know how to fix the doll. I just stayed to help Julie cry."

Thanks to all my friends who have just stayed and cried with me and laughed with me!! And to my best friend....I owe you my sanity:)

TV

In June my husband and I decided that we were spending too much money on cable TV, so we had it shut off. We purchased a digital antennae, which by the way only seems to work on the TV in our bed room. Not such a big deal during the summer. We missed it the first week but found plenty of other things to do. Even the first few weeks after school started we both patted ourselves on the back because we realized with out TV the kids were getting their homework done faster. Nashawn and I both even compromised on the TV show schedule. He gets sunday night football and I get Grays Anatomy on Thursday. And on Wednesday all of us pile into the bedroom for The Middle. It really has been better for all of us. That being said.....I miss TV!! I didn't get to watch any Hallmark movies through the holidays. If I am not home....I miss my show and  so I really miss my t-vo and the good old day of recording my shows and being able to watch them latter and,..... and.....fast forward threw the commercials. Seriously I am having with drawls. Nashawn is too. We both keep talking of turning it back on for just a few months, but know we are better off with out it. Soon we won't even know what great programing were missing out on. Soon when people ask if we miss cable we won't be lying to them when we tell them no :) Soon......Soon.....Soon.....(or at least its my hope!)

Good Idea!

So I borrowed this idea from a good friend of mine. I must tell you that same said friend is also the person who inspired me to start blogging. She is very creative and not afraid to say whats on her mind. Qualities that I am working on :)! (yes Lyndee.....this is you!)

Ok...her blog is recoveringcrafthoarder.blogspot.com.  She has a list of 35 things to do before she is 35. I loved this idea. At first I thought it would be super easy to come up with 35 things. For me....it wasn't so easy. I found myself putting things down that I usually do anyway. I decided for myself that there was no point to making a list if I wasn't going to stretch myself. I really wanted things to strive for and look forward to accomplishing. Then like Lyndee I didn't know if I wanted to share my list. I have decide like her to share.

I don't have too many people view my blog, but for those of you that do I wanted you to see  my list so I had more people to keep me working on it besides my husband and kids. So if any of you think I've gone too long with out sharing how I am doing on my list......bug me:)

35 Things To Do Before 2013

1. Pray More
2. Blog at least once a week
3. Budget....then stick to it!
4. Meal plan
5. Camp at least 3 times
6. Take my kids on a road trip
7. Hike with my kids at least 10 times
8. Exercise 3 time a week
9. Organize my officeOrganize
10. Read at least 12 books and 3 of them must be a Classic
11. Feel good about the way I look
12. Go on 12 dates with Nashawn
13. Plant a garden with my kids
14. Go on a horseback ride
15. Plant grass in my front yard
16. Plant flowers in my front yard
17. Find an old bench for my front porch and re-finish it
18. Learn to use my sewing machine
19. Go to Bear Lake swimming
20. Run a Mile with out stopping
21. Quit drinking energy drinks/pop
22. Visit the temple 6 times
23. Learn more about family history
24. Read the book of mormon myself and with my kids
25. Have a special day with each of my kids
26. Learn to Meditate
27. Go to lunch with a friend 12 times
28. Get my Christmas shopping done before Thanksgiving
29. Go to Conference at the Conference Center
30. Take more pictures
31. Really research who I want to vote for....all of them!
32. Find a Hobby....something other than cleaning.....:)
33. Have family game night 3 times a month
34. Check something off my "Bucket List"
35. Breath more.....so I can Enjoy more!!

There it is. I am already almost done with one of the 12 books. When I am finished I will write about it. I think this list alone with help me blog once a week. So it begins..........

2011

I must admit that 2011 was a great year. All in all it was a quiet year and for that I am most thankful. The funny thing is when you look back over the years of your life some years are defiantly better than others. Some years seem to drag on from one year into another and it feels like the bad luck will never run out and the "storm" will never pass. Then before you know it you are at the end of another year and realize that the "storm" of previous years has indeed passed and the last year of life was rather dull and a much needed rest. And because you have know lived long enough and been through enough and seen enough you know realize that sometimes you get much needed rest before the "storms" in life continue on. After all isn't that just life?! Isn't it how we learn and then appreciate all the good?! Isn't that how we grow in hopes of becoming something more, someone better, so when we leave this world we leave it a better place?!

Yes there are many good things in saying good bye to the end of another year and saying hello to the start of a new one. Being able to reflect back and see the good. Also being able to look back and see what you need to change and work on. The difficult thing is realizing somethings you can change and somethings you can't. Learning to find the good and accepting it in the the things you can't change is hard. But digging deep and actually doing the work to change the things you can change then changing them is harder.

So what goals do I have for the new year? To simply dig deep. "Just Do It" if you will. And to remember, "when your happy like a fool.... let it take you over.... when everything is up you got to take it in!" Because its going to be a Good Good life:)