Finding Peace

Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is run. I find myself running from the time I get up until I go to bed. I feel like I am in a race in which I am always behind. Behind because I started a half hour after everyone else. Every night when I crawl in bed I tell myself that tomorrow is a new day. I will lay in bed and plan out the next day. I will commite to making the next day better. And somedays that works and others it doesn't and once again I will find myself laying in bed telling myself that tomorrow is another day.

So, what does all this have to do with finding peace. Well I've decided for me, I am stuck in a rut. I rut that I chose to put myself in with out really even realizing I was putting myself there. Thats the crazy thing about ruts, most of the time you don't even see it until you are already stuck.

On sunday another mother in my ward, who I thought had it all together got up and bore her testimony. She spoke about just this subject, "Finding Peace" and getting out of that "rut". It was just what I needed to hear. And after pondering sunday and most of the day today I think I have a plan. A plan to start "Finding Peace" knowing that there will be "race days"and I may not find much "Peace". I now realize that sometimes " Peace" is nothing but a brief moment in my day, or that some days its several brief moments. "Peace" for me, from this moment on is going to be laying in bed at the end of everyday and counting all those brief moments and just letting all the rest go because tomorrow really is another day!!

Brooke

Brooke Atkinson

Brooke's story begins when Weston was only 3 weeks old. I was sitting on the couch feeding Weston when Jace crawled up next to me, looked right at Weston, and told me,"Mom, Weston really misses his sister".  I looked at Jace and told him that daddy and I may have another baby someday, but it would probably be another brother. No Jace said, "when you and daddy have another baby it will be my sister".  Jace was 3 at the time and to be honest I really just didn't think that much about what he had said.

Over the next few months I found myself constantly feeling like someone was missing. When I would go in to check on Weston I always felt like I should be looking in on someone else too. By the time Weston was a year old I knew I needed to have another baby and that I shouldn't wait very long. Summer came and went, but the feeling to have another baby lingered. Finally in around the first of November 2003 I told Nashawn how I had been feeling. He felt the same! So I quit using my birth control patch on December 1st. We began talking about having another baby and how we both just knew it would be another boy. Three boys, wow we just thought it would be great. Having a girl never really crossed our minds after already having two boys.

Around new years 2004 I made the comment to Nashawn that I was feeling pressure us to have a baby either in March of 2005 or November of 2004. His and both boys birth days are in the same week in March and I didn't want the new baby to feel left out. But I figured if it came in November around my birth day maybe it would be ok. I got my wish. Around  Nashawn and the boys birth days in March I found out I was pregnant and due in November, on Thanksgiving day.

We waited until I was in my second trimester before we told the kids. Weston was too little to understand but Jace was excited. Thats when he once again told me that he and Weston couldn't wait for their baby sister. "I've been praying for her," he told me. My mom, who had 4 grandsons, thought it would be fun to have a baby girl around. And my mother in law who had one granddaughter, who happened to be her first grandchild, had 6 grandsons and was also ready for another girl. They were both praying as well. Nashawn and I just wanted a healthy baby and for everyone to not be disappointed when it was a boy.

Twenty weeks came and we took the boys with us to find out what we were having. When the ultra sound tech told us it was a girl, Nashawn kept saying, "Are you sure, check again". Three times he asked the ultra sound tech to check again. Jace told his dad, "I told you it was my sister!!"

On November 17th 2004 at 8:54 am Jace and Weston finally got their baby sister. Jace still looks after her to this day. He is her protector. Weston and Brooke on the other hand have a rather interesting relationship. They are either the best of friends or the worst of enemies. But I know they love each other its just funner to fight......teheee....Everyone was, including her dad and I were so excited to have a girl!!

I love you Brooke!!!

Jace

Jace Nashawn Atkinson

 Nashawn and I both new we wanted kids someday. We were both young and selfish and had decided we would wait for 2 to 5 years of marrage. We had just purchased a brand new Dodge Truck. My family and extended family were camping and Nashawn and I decided to take our new purchase up and show everyone. I can still remember sitting around the camp fire when my Grandpa Ernie asked how we would be able to pay for that truck and a baby. Nashawn laughed and told him that we weren't having kids until the truck was payed off.....so he said, "That puts us on a five year plan". My Grandpa laughed and told Nashawn he didn't think we would make it 6 months let alone 5 years! And boy grandpa couldn't have been more right!

Two weeks latter I woke up one morning and was getting ready for work when I started feeling very sick. I went to work anyway and by 12 felt better. However over the next five days the nauseated feeling continued and I even got sick several times. But like clock work by around 12 the sickness was gone. This all started around the 24th of July. I know your wondering how I would remember that. Well my brother and sister in law had both came for a visit on that weekend. They had just had their first child nine months earlier. And just like on previous mornings I was sick. In the late afternoon my sister in law and I were sent to the local fast food stand to get shakes for everyone. While there she asked me if I thought my morning sickness could be caused by the fact that I could be pregnant. I looked at her as though she were crazy and stated how that couldn't be because I was taking birth control. 

By monday morning I felt so sick that Nashawn asked his mom if she would drive me to the dr. because he couldn't get the day off work. She too just new I was pregnant but never said a word and took me to the dr. When the nurse came in we talked about how a month earlier I had been sick with a sinus infection and that they had given me antibiotics and that I thought maybe that I still hadn't recovered from the sinus infection. She drew some blood and had me do a few other tests then sat me in a room to wait for the dr. When the dr. came in he asked me how far along I was. "What" I said. "How many weeks pregnant?" he asked. I am not pregnant I told him. The dr. got really embarrassed and said they must have mixed up the charts. He left the room and I could hear him talking to a nurse. After a few minutes he came back in, laughed, and told me that the charts were not mixed up and that I was pregnant and thats what was causing my sickness. He said it was morning sickness. He gave me a prescription for pre-natial vitimans. I asked how I got pregant while on the pill. He said that when your taking birth control and you take antibiotics the antibiotics  can lesson the effectiveness of the birth control.  So out into the lobby in shock I walked, forgetting my mother in law. When I saw her reality settled in and not wanting to tell her before Nashawn I made up a story about having an intestinal virus. She just looked at me a smiled! She new the truth and also new I wanted to tell Nashawn first. I called him when I got home and he was in shock too.

Once we got over the shock and I got over morning sickness, pure excitement settled in not only for Nashawn and I but for our families as well. It seemed none of us could wait for Jace to arrive. Twelve weeks into the pregnancy Nashawn announce one after noon that we were having a boy and that he wanted to name him Jace. I wasn't so sure on either the name or the fact it was a boy, but Nashawn just seemed to know and wasn't a bit surprised at the ultrasound. 

Jace wasn't due until the 23rd of March. I had a Dr. appointment on March 8th and was planning to work for a few hours then head along with my mom to the Dr. (Nashawn, my mom, and my mother in law took turns taking me because Nashawn couldn't always get off work) When Nashawn and I woke up that morning I told him that I didn't feel good. He asked if we need to go to the hospital if I was in labor. I said no that I thought labor would hurt and I didn't hurt I was just tired. So he called my boss and told him I wasn't feeling well and he went to work. I slept a while longer then got ready for the Dr. Mom picked me up earlier and we went shopping then to the appointment. The Dr. checked me the asked if I was ready to have a baby today. I laughed! He said no really you are dilated to a 5 and ninety percent effaced, you need to go check yourself into labor and delivery and I will be seeing you in a while. 

I started crying worrying Nashawn wouldn't make it. No worry was necessary. He made it with-in the hour. I checked into the hospital at 12:30pm on March 8th and Jace was born, after what seemed like very long anticitpated hours of waiting on everyones part, at 12:27 am March 9th. I just keep crying its a boy....its my baby boy!! And Nashawn well......he was just so proud!

I love you Jace!!

Weston

Weston Rex Atkinson

This post begins in June of 2001. Nashawn and I had just helped our oldest child, Jace, celebrate his second birthday in March and were having so much fun watching him explore the world. We were haveing so much fun that we decided we wanted to experience it all again one late evening after having just put Jace to bed. So we made the decision that night to begin trying. 

Now one piece of information you need to know before I go on. Nashawn had made a statement only a year before that he only wanted one child. I however new I wanted more than one. So on this night that he had a soft place in his heart and wanted another child, I took it as a sign from my father in heaven that the time was right. And heavenly father knew!!! 

The end of July we were walking around the Zoo with Jace when Nashawn looked at me and with confidence said, "I think you are pregnant".  "No" I said, its not really possible. So after the Zoo and while we were having lunch the conservation continued. Nashawn was insistent that I buy a pregnancy test. So on the way home we did. I went straight to the bathroom when we got home, and Nashawn took Jace over to Grandpa Dallas and Grandma Floyedene's house to show them the stuff we got at the Zoo. I waited the allotted amount of time and then looked at the test. It was positive! I went next door and not wanting to tell the in-laws until I had told Nashawn, quickly gave him a smile and a thumbs up. He got a big smile and announced that we needed to be going. We were both so excited and a little shocked too. It happened quicker than we thought but we both new it was right. 

So began the doctor visits and the 8 weeks of morning and night sickness. Then before we new it the morning and night sickness had passed and we were in the 2nd trimester. Ultrasound time was fun. Nashawn and I both just knew it was a boy, and sure enough it was. During the ultrasound Weston turned straight, grabbed himself, and didn't move for just the amount of time needed for us to get that picture! He also stayed in the breach position he was in during the ultrasound for the rest of my pregnancy. At my 36 week check up the doctor took another ultrasound picture and Weston was still breach. The doctor warned that most babies don't move at this point. He spoke with us about the risks of turning him during labor and how I and the baby could die or it could go great and I could deliver naturally. He also told us the dangers of going into labor breach and not getting to the hospital in time. He said that if I even thought I was starting labor I needed to head straight to the hospital. 

On the morning of March 6th, at 37 weeks I went into labor. I went to work and just didn't feel good. Work sent me home and I called Nashawn, who drove truck at the time. He new I was in labor and had me call my mom and have her take me to the hospital. Sure enough I was in labor. They tried to stop it but couldn't and since Weston was still breach Nashawn and I decided not to take any risks. So at 5:48pm by C-section Weston was born. Nashawn and I had two names picked out. His was Weston Rex and mine was Colby Rex. Nashawn left it up to me since he named Jace. So I picked Colby Rex. Everyone left and it was just me and the baby. Around midnight they brought the baby in to nurse and he just wasn't Colby, he was Weston! So after talking with Nashawn the next morning a name was agreed upon. We had always told Jace that for his 3rd birthday gift he was going to get a little brother. Weston and I came home from the hospital on March 9th.......Jace's 3rd birthday! And they have been best buddies ever since!

 I Love You Weston!!!